Pictures from the past look funny...

I was going through my computer files trying to clean out all the stuff I don't need anymore (an obnoxious and boring chore, by the way) and I came across these photos that I put on the computer a few years ago. My mom found a bunch of old slides when they were moving, and these were in them. I'm even posting some embarrassing 'I'm going to use these to blackmail you' type pictures. They lose their power as a weapon if I post them, right?!? In any case, I think I look pretty stinking cute :)

It's hard to imagine and remember being that small. Every once in awhile, I will look at my kids and wonder what they are thinking. Then I try to remember what it was like to be their age. Now that they are at an age that I can remember being, it's a little strange. I remember being in elementary school trying to picture what I would look like when I was older. I remember being in first grade, just like Spencer is now.

But I have to turn around and step into my mother's shoes. How did she feel as a young mother? What did she do differently? Or worse (or better!) what did she do the same? Am I making some vital mistake that could prevent heartache later on down the road? Is there something I can learn from my parents past that would help me to maneuver catastrophe in the future?

Then I remember that my life is significantly different than hers was when she was my age. I've already come across major catastrophe! I handled it pretty well, I think. I need to give myself more credit and trust my instincts and the Spirit. I am doing the best that I know how. I just hope and pray that my kids will one day recognize my effort and forgive me of my short-comings.

It's amazing what can be thought up just by looking at some old photographs. I really appreciate the effort my parents put into me. I would not be who I am and where I am without their influence. Influence is definitely the right word, because, scary as it is, all we have on our children is an influence. We can do our best to teach, to instruct, to guide and to control our kids actions and choices, but in the end, it is entirely up to them where they go. I hope my children will take what I teach them and use it to the best of their abilities. I do sometimes wonder if my children's decisions will be heavily influenced by what occurred between their father and me. I'm sure they will. I'm trying very hard now to teach them how to make good choices. We'll see how this story ends. Every person on earth has the capability to return to our Heavenly Father, regardless of how and where they started out and events that take place in their lives. Hopefully I've shown them you can pull through something really bad and make it work for you.

This post has turned into something weird and random and I feel like I'm babbling. I would just delete it, but it took me alot longer than I planned. The pictures wouldn't cooperate. So I'm going to end, quite abruptly....now.